Este blog nace de mi deseo de compartir mi experiencia y mis vivencias como madre adoptiva. Lo inicio en el quinto aniversario de la llegada de mi nena a nuestra vida, una llegada que revolucionó para siempre mi percepción de la maternidad y de la fuerza del amor que se puede sentir por un hijo. Ojalá pueda ser de ayuda a otros padres adoptivos, a quienes están en camino de serlo, o a aquellos se encuentran en el momento de tomar la decisión.
jueves, 14 de marzo de 2013
An Adoptee’s Perspective: 10 Things Adoptive Parents Should Know
Excelente!! Para leer, releer y tener muy en cuenta.
1. Adoption is not possible without loss. Losing one’s birth
parents is the most traumatic form of loss a child can experience. That loss
will always be a part of me. It will shape who I am and will have an effect on
my relationships—especially my relationship with you.
2. Love isn’t enough in adoption, but it certainly makes a
difference. Tell me every day that I am loved—especially on the days when I am
not particularly lovable.
3. Show me—through your words and your actions—that you are
willing to weather any storm with me. I have a difficult time trusting people,
due to the losses I have experienced in my life. Show me that I can trust you.
Keep your word. I need to know that you are a safe person in my life, and that
you will be there when I need you and when I don’t need you.
4. I will always worry that you will abandon me, no matter
how often you tell me or show me otherwise. The mindset that “people who love
me will leave me” has been instilled in me and will forever be a part of me. I
may push you away to protect myself from the pain of loss. No matter what I say
or do to push you away, I need you to fight like crazy to show me that you
aren’t going anywhere and will never give up on me.
5. Even though society says it is PC to be color-blind, I need
you to know that race matters. My race will always be a part of me, and society
will always see me by the color of my skin (no matter how hard they try to
convince me otherwise). I need you to help me learn about my race and culture
of origin, because it’s important to me. Members of my race and culture of
origin may reject me because I’m not “black enough” or “Asian enough”, but if
you help arm me with pride in who I am and the tools to cope, it will be okay.
I don’t look like you, but you are my parent and I need you to tell me—through
your words and your actions—that it’s okay to be different. I have experienced
many losses in my life. Please don’t allow the losses of my race and culture of
origin to be among them.
6. I need you to be my advocate. There will be people in our
family, our school, our church, our community, our medical clinic, etc. who
don’t understand adoption and my special needs. I need you to help educate them
about adoption and special needs, and I need to know that you have my back. Ask
me questions in front of them to show them that my voice matters.
7. At some point during our adoption journey, I may ask
about or want to search for my birth family. You may tell me that being blood
related doesn’t matter, but not having that kind of connection to someone has
left a void in my life. You will always be my family and you will always be my
parent. If I ask about or search for my birth family, it doesn’t mean I love
you any less. I need you to know that living my life without knowledge of my
birth family has been like working on a puzzle with missing pieces. Knowing
about my birth family may help me feel more complete.
8. Please don’t expect me to be grateful for having been
adopted. I endured a tremendous loss before becoming a part of your family. I
don’t want to live with the message that “you saved me and I should be
grateful” hanging over my head. Adoption is about forming forever families—it
shouldn’t be about “saving” children.
9. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. I may need help in
coping with the losses I have experienced and other issues related to adoption.
It’s okay and completely normal. If the adoption journey becomes overwhelming
for you, it’s important for you to seek help, as well. Join support groups and
meet other families who have adopted. This may require you to go out of your
comfort zone, but it will be worth it. Make the time and effort to search for
and be in the company of parents and children/youth who understand adoption and
understand the issues. These opportunities will help normalize and validate
what we are going through.
10. Adoption is different for everyone. Please don’t compare
me to other adoptees. Rather, listen to their experiences and develop ways in
which you can better support me and my needs. Please respect me as an
individual and honor my adoption journey as my own. I need you to always keep
an open mind and an open heart with regard to adoption. Our adoption journey
will never end, and no matter how bumpy the road may be and regardless of where
it may lead, the fact that we traveled this road together, will make all the
difference. Tomado de "Diary of a Not-So-Angry Asian Adoptee" I am a mom, wife, adoptee, and advocate. I am not mad at the world. Okay, maybe just a little, but who isn't?